I am grateful to my God. For my family. For my friends. For my community. For my faith. For Mother Church.

There are many customs, traditions and “superstitions” associated with today, the day the entire Christian world (and some non-Christians as well) remembers what True, Sacrificial Love means, as personified by Jesus dying on the cross.

Some of these customs and traditions are considered silly, some sacred.

As for myself, I want to start a tradition of my own. To always remember how GRATEFUL I should be for this life that I have and probably do not deserve.

Yet because of Ultimate Love on the Cross, I am worthy.

And not just me.

My entire family. My husband. Our precious kids. My parents, brothers and sister, in-laws, etc etc.

All of us are worthy.

Because when He died, we lived.

Today I’d like to recall the lyrics of a beloved hymn I grew up with in Brunei…

“To live is to die

And to laugh is to cry

To live is to love with all your heart

To live is to walk

And to talk in Your word

And to live is to…” (oops, forgot the last line! LOL)

But the point is..

TO LIVE is TO DIE…

And as God holds my future and the future of our family in His hands now, especially what will happen in the next few months, I am going to have to learn to DIE..

DIE to my personal preferences..

DIE to my own wants and needs…

DIE to my hopes and dreams..

And SURRENDER all to HIM..

So that I may LIVE..

So that my preferences will be what He prefers..

So that my wants and needs will be fulfilled by Him, in His own time and on His own terms..

So that my hopes and dreams will live through His grace…

Indeed, what joy it is to DIE..

in order that one may LIVE..

Holy Week has just started with the celebration of Palm Sunday, Celebration of the Lord’s Passion. This is one of, if not THE MOST, meaningful times of the year for us Catholics and Christians.

A time to rest.
In the arms of the almighty God.

A time to reflect.
On the power of His work on the cross.

A time to work.
On our hearts, on our attitudes, on ourselves.
(And in my case, a time to work on things left undone due to procrastination. )

May this time be a BLESSED one for us all.

We love you Jesus.

Help us to live the life of adventure that only YOU can promise and grant us.

Most of all, help me to be a BLESSED wife and mom so I can be a BLESSING to my family and community and everyone around me.

Thank You Lord.

Amen.

Children Learn What They Live by Dorothy Law Nolte

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

May our children live as You want them to O Beloved, and may we open ourselves to Your will for them and for us as parents so that they may learn all the good things in life.

Tim was being his usual playful won’t-sit-down-coz-he’s-too-excited self when suddenly he knelt down on the floor, made the sign of the cross and prayed “Lord, please help me, Amen.”

At first we thought he was kneeling because he saw something on the TV which was placed above the counter. So we asked him about it…

“What are you doing Kuya Tim?”

“I’m praying to God.”

“God? Where is He?” (Again we thought he’d seen an image or picture of God or something similar on the TV).

(Then, to our delight Tim replied.)

“God is in my heart.”

Aaaawww… *sniffs* What a blessing you are to us dearest Tim!

The conversation continued:

“Who taught you that?”

“Papa.”

Double aaawwwwww…. *sniff sniff sniff* tears of pride..

THANK YOU LORD FOR MY HUSBAND, WHO STRIVES TO BE THE BEST PASTOR, PROTECTOR AND PROVIDER FOR OUR FAMILY.

AND FOR TIM, WHO IS YOUR DAILY REMINDER OF LOVE, PATIENCE AND JOY FOR US ALL.

And of course, FOR RYSSE, OUR ANGEL BABY.

It’s already 5 am. I’ve been working since 1 am.

I have about 2 to 3 hours left before my babies wake up.

Aaarrrrrggghhh…

If I didn’t love You as much as I did, I’d be sleeping blissfully right now.

But then again, what is another sleepless night if it means that other people will be blessed?

I just hope and pray that my sleeplessness won’t turn into crankiness, short-temperedness and all the “negative-nesses” that can ruin the day, not just for myself, but especially for my loved ones, MOST especially hubby and the 2 kiddos.

Oh. And gotta find me some matching exercises for Tim because lately that’s all the “learning” he only wants to do. Hmmm… Wonder what time I’ll go to sleep this time?!

Discernment.. what an agonizing, purifying process…

What a fitting way to go through LENT.. haha..

I only pray that we make the decision/s HE wants for us.. What is BEST because it is according to HIS plans…

Jeremiah 29: 11 – I hold you to this LORD! I love You, my Constant, Unchanging Beloved!

Truthfully, ever since I learned about homeschooling from Bo Sanchez (Catholic Filipino Academy or CFA) and other resources online (mostly from non-Catholic Christian sites, which by the way are very, very good! ) I’ve been thinking a lot about what Tim always says about going to school (read above ) Perhaps homeschooling IS the way to go for us, and God is using Tim to send me a message.

On the other hand, if we do go for homeschooling, we know it will be a HUGE commitment, especially on my part. I’d have to really stay at home (or find work I can do from home) to be able to teach Tim (and Rysse when she’s old enough). Which means Anthony would be the only one left working.

The question in this case would then be “Can we afford to live on one income?”

Hmmm…

On the other hand, there are several good preschools (in the Philippines) that I’ve discovered online. One of them is Cradle of Joy (COJ), which has really caught my attention, since they advertise themselves as a Catholic Progressive School, and claim that their curriculum is the closest aligned to homeschooling. After having read some of the testimonials of parents who have sent their kids to preschool there, I’m half convinced that COJ is the school that we’ve been looking and praying for.  (Although, at present I have no idea how much the tuition fees there cost! Perhaps when I do find out I’ll change my mind! hahaha.)

Anyway, for the meantime, while we are still here in Timor, I guess I’ll just make the most of Tim wanting to go to “school” at home with myself as his “teacher.” I’ve managed to get some good materials online (here’s a sample from www.dreamenglish.com: howmanyfish) and from the bookstores in the Philippines, and hopefully I’ll be able to teach Tim the basic preschool concepts he needs to know at his age. At least for the next few months, that’s how our set-up will be.

What do you think? COJ or CFA?

As I write, er, rather type this my family and I are ending our 1st mission trip together to the mountains of Baucau, Timor Leste. We left Dili on Tuesday and tomorrow (Saturday) will be going back, after visiting Laga, Quelicai, Fatumaca and of course, Baucau Kota. All beautiful places where we experienced God’s amazing blessings!

In Laga, we met up with Fr. Jojo San Juan SDB at the orphanage run by the sisters there. We were able to go to mass and even if Tim was misbehaving a bit (he always does so during Tetun mass, and I can’t blame him, he can’t understand Tetun so it’s hard for him to sit and try to listen! He behaves much better during English mass, though when his playmates are around, hay naku! It’s hard for him to sit still!) Anyway, what a blessing it was to go to mass, I miss going to Tetun mass!

The trip to Quelicai was tiring and involved quite a bit of bodybumping i.e. the road was SOOOO bad! Rysse had fallen asleep in the pick-up but woke up after we had started on the bumpy road. All I could do was pray and hang on tight to Rysse, at the same time checking on Kuya Tim from time to time as he was sitting in the passenger seat beside Anthony. Praise GOD we got to Quelicai safe and sound, and what a beautiful, simple, cool place to visit!

The sky above us was filled with stars, and seemed so close. Reminded me of my single missionary days in Fuiloro way back in 2001, when God first made my heart beat for Timor Leste. He made me fall in love with Him back then (to the point that I considered breaking up with Anthony to pursue the religious life! Good thing God intervened and guided me through family and friends! ) Being in Quelicai with my family reminded me of God’s desire for me to FALL IN LOVE with Him every day, through my service as a wife, mom and missionary. Indeed what a blessing! (Thank you, Fr. Jojo! You are a great instrument of God’s love and wisdom for us!)

After spending the morning taking pictures and catching up with Fr. Rui Hornay, another SDB missionary in Quelicai, we went back to Baucau, treated ourselves to a sumptuous filling lunch, and headed off again to Fatumaca. Here we were to stay with one of our CFC leaders. Now, don’t get me wrong here people, by nature I am not a spoiled brat nor choosy about where to stay, etc etc.(I have my parents to thank for that! Love you po Papa and Mama!) But ever since I became a mom, it’s been very challenging for me to say “YES LORD! Send me wherever You want, I don’t care what happens as long as I’m following Your will for my life!” Mostly because wherever He sends me, there goes my two young kids as well.

In the case of Fatumaca, I was pretty hesitant because I know here in Timor, especially in the districts, not every place is comfy and cozy. Not every place has running water and 24-hour electricity. So I prepared myself for the worst and prayed for the best. And you know what?

God answered my prayers.

It wasn’t the best place we had stayed in. But nor was it the worst.

At least there was electricity. The room we stayed in was simple but comfortable. Our hosts were kind enough to prepare hot water for the kids’ bath. There was enough water stored up for us to use (though, as usual, the bathroom was located outside the house, at least it wasn’t far off in the jungle, unlike in some other places!) The food served was simple fare to many, but a delicious feast for us.

But the greatest blessing of all was the LOVE we felt through the people there: our hosts, YFC Fatumaca’s Couple Coordinator, our CFC leaders there and everyone who came out to meet, greet and eat with us. Despite my fears for the kids’ health (I made sure they had mosquito repellant on always, tried to keep them at a distance from our hosts’ kids who had coughs and fever, and discreetly discouraged contact with “questionable” objects and people) I knew that being there was what God wanted for us. To remind us that He is our ONE God, and that we have ONE faith and baptism through Him.

After Fatumaca, we journeyed back to Baucau. (If you’re wondering how in the world we were able to keep precocious Tim occupied during all those road trips, you can read about it here).

Our first day in Baucau was a day of rest, a time for the kids to recover from the long road trips and a time to just BE a family. What a great blessing!

Earlier (well, yesterday, as it’s already 5 am Saturday here) we picked up Karen and sent her to Fatumaca, and I was so inspired again by her commitment to serve the Lord! If we hadn’t sent her in the pick-up, she would’ve walked a long way to get to her host’s place (same as ours). And would’ve gotten soaked in the rain! It just amazes me how much love for the Beloved can make  one crazy, willing to do things other people normally wouldn’t do if given the choice!

We returned to Baucau and met up with Fr. Aguedo Palomo SDB, another inspiring Filipino missionary and then had a loooong meeting with the leaders of CFC Baucau. Praise GOD everything turned out ok! I’m so proud of hubby Anthony for leading the meeting so well!

This mission trip has been a HUGE blessing for me personally! I’ve come to realize once again how AWESOME, GRACIOUS, KIND AND FORGIVING my Beloved Jesus is. How wonderful, funny and sweet my hubby Anthony is. How intelligent, patient and caring our first-born Tim is. How sweet, easygoing and angelic our little princess Rysse is. How BLESSED I am, we are, compared to others. How I have no right to complain when others are far worse off than I am yet they choose to be happy and don’t complain nor compare their lives with others’.

After all, if one has a roof over one’s head, clothes on one’s back (and front as well LOL), three meals (and sometimes even more!) a day, complete and functioning body parts, and all the other basic necessities of life (not to mention a few luxuries as well!), what right does one have to complain?

Instead, COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS! You’ll realize you have so much to live for, so much to be thankful for! BE BLESSED AND BE A BLESSING, my friends! Especially during this Lenten season.

(To see more pics of our Leste Mission Trip, click here if you’re friends with me on FB

Tim: What is the song talking about po, Mama?

Me: Well, it’s about us offering everything to God. It means whatever we do, we give it back to Him to make Him happy because we love Him.

Tim: We give to Him?

Me: Yes, everything we do. Like when we sing, or play with our blocks. Or like me now, I’m eating breakfast (gestures while holding sandwich in hand). When we work. When we pray, and play. Even when we drink and eat, we give everything to God.

(Upon hearing this, Tim gets this frowning, puzzled “I don’t want to share” look on his face and hides his cup of chocolate milk behind his back. LOL. I try to explain again to him.)

Me: It’s ok po Tim. I don’t mean we give to God our food and drink, like your milk. It just means when we eat or drink, we thank Him and want to make Him happy.

(Tim looks relieved and continues drinking from his cup. I am amused and amazed at his antics and offer a silent prayer of thanksgiving for this precious little boy.)

Later on in the morning, he says another endearing thing. This time it’s before his daily “Learning Time,” where I attempt to teach him age-appropriate preschool concepts for at least 30 minutes.

Me: Let’s pray before we start learning, and ask God to bless us, so that what we learn we will not forget.

Tim: Ok po Mama. Oh wait, wait.. I want to put my blanket on my feet first. Wait! Wait, God!

Me: (heart melting) Don’t worry, God will wait.

My prayer for you, my dear Kuya Tim, is that every day you will grow more and more to be the boy and eventually, the man, that God wants you to be. I only hope that despite your Papa’s and my faults and failures as your parents (and you know dear Tim, how imperfect we are!), God will still bless our desires for you, our hopes and dreams for you. We love you our dearest first-born!